swellmilk #655

655sub-wayThis one is called sub-way... but I didn’t take the picture on a subway, I took it at train station, at night, after a party. so ‘sub,’ as in the the opposite of Dominant, and not as a means of conveyance through the underworld.
I: on the tail end of a so-chu drunk, just when lights of the station finish their funny melt and instead dance noxious. as I recall, i had an expectation of some kind of arrival, and that was terrifying... I depend upon arrivals, expectation longs for them, and carefully plans to the second, so as not to miss any given coming train. Lost here now:

haiku blather dissecting fear,
sublime moment
recording so clear.

that often happens at night time on train platforms in Japan, i see movement in animation- noir scenes punctuated by staccato sound, silence against mumbling, a green lit diorama of blank faces staring into blue cell phone light. here is my personal plastic sublime, juxtaposed against impending arrival, my death. so during these moments I depend on a camera to extend and order consciousness- to get it down.
There she is, and so serene, so cool, detached, adjusting something placed in her hair. I secretly gaze at her careful touch and move closer- it looks like a wet lollipop, sticky... Through her my fear, if only for a moment, might alleviate.

“may i take picture?”
“why?”
“because i like that lollipop in your hair, and i want to remember it”
“you may...”

my desire to gaze, to interact, to remember, the reconstruct memory by creating memory, this subordinates, extends, and orders my consciousness. the subordinated controls dominance through acts... dominance is patronized and subverted through all that.
here then is the thinking behind this image...